


My Love is Always Yours, Wherever I Am

by kisankishu



Series: Grandmaster of Demonic Headcanons [3]
Category: Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, Mo Dao Zu Shi, 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
Genre: Alternate Universe, Feels, Hurt, I'm so sorry, M/M, Pain, Sad, wow i'm gonna cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-10-29 18:53:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20801297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kisankishu/pseuds/kisankishu
Summary: He's not coming back again, but he still loves his husband with all of his heart.Or, the one where I break everyone's hearts (including my own) when Wei Wuxian leaves.





	1. He's Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I may have started this at midnight and only finished at 1:30 am- If there are any errors please tell me! I didn't edit this whatsoever...

It has been a year since that person disappeared. His love had left, and no one knew why, or how, or even where he was. How could he have missed something that the person whom he loved with everything in him had left especially for him all that time ago? He silently cursed his own stupidity. It seemed as if that was all he did these days. It seemed as if that was all _ everyone _ did these days. Life was no longer worth living without him. He would go back to those years that he had lost him the first time. Would he ever return?

He shook his thoughts out of his head and silently opened what his husband had left for him so long ago, his hands slightly trembling. Cursing himself once more, he began to read the words left for him from so long ago.

_ My dear Lan Zhan, _

_ I love you. I love you so much. You mean everything to me, and I can’t imagine a life without you by my side. I have no idea how you went on for 13 years because I certainly would have gone insane by then. Anyways, that’s not the point of this letter. _

_ The point of this letter was to say goodbye. To say goodbye to the plentiful lotus seed pods, and the bustling horde of rabbits, and the light of the ripened moon. To say goodbye to our shared jars of Emperor’s Smile, the lightning of Zidian, and the sounds of your guqin. To say goodbye to everything and everyone whom I love so very deeply. To say goodbye to that which I will never see again. _

_ I want to give this body back. I think I may have figured out a way to return Mo Xuanyu to his rightful owner. I was never meant to return to this world. I should have stayed dead the first time. I had my chance to live, and I wasted it. I want this person to be able to learn how to properly use their chance, as I only learned far after my original lifetime had ended. I want him to turn away from the path that I went down. _

_ You see, Lan Zhan, I was only on borrowed time, whether it be fate or my own damn conscience. And borrowed time always comes to an end, although this end is rather bittersweet. _

_ I’m sorry, my love. I left you without saying goodbye. I guess I still had a slight hope that I wouldn’t end up gone completely. I did not want to leave you with another painful goodbye that would only result in one of us getting hurt. _

_ I have to leave now. I have a favor to ask of you before I end this. Folded with this letter should be a drawing. Can you guess who it’s of? It’s you. It’s you. It’s you. There’s no flower on your head this time, haha! Please hold onto that drawing. I want you to always have at least one thing from me in this world, even if I myself am gone from it. _

_ Please just know this. My love is always yours, wherever I am. Even if I am dead and gone, I’ll even come back as a fierce corpse to protect you. I long for the day when I’ll see you again, and yet I dread it. Because it means that the world has lost someone truly good. Someone that should never be lost, because he is so damn important. _

_ I love you, Lan Zhan. My Lan Zhan. Lan Wangji. Er-gege. Hanguang-Jun. And every other single name that I have given you. I love you more than anything, and that will never change. _

_ Wei Wuxian _

Lan Wangji, putting a hand to his mouth, had to stifle sobs as tears ran down his face. Where was his love? Was he truly gone? Where did his Wei Ying go? He silently begged his husband to come back, wherever the man was. He already knew the answer to his pleas, but he still sent them out into the universe, hoping against hope that Wei Wuxian would come back. _ Where are you, Wei Ying? Where is the man I love? _ He would have screamed, were he able to form any sounds at all.

Although he forced himself to pick up the broken pieces of his life right there and continue on, he knew that he would be alone from then on. Wei Wuxian would not come back again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...and I may or may not have made myself almost cry writing it.


	2. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not him. Only a ghost of what had been. But that ghost reached out, and he gave him a gift from the one who had loved him so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to leave this alone and finished, but I had an idea on what happened afterward. I'm so sorry, Lan Wangji, you deserve so much happiness.

A glimpse of a red ribbon. An oh-so-familiar voice arguing with the vendor. On the right. He whipped his head around and cursed his heart for being so happy.

It was Wei Wuxian. _ His _ Wei Wuxian. Except... it wasn’t him. It was not the man who had left him. Instead, it was the person whose body it originally was. Wei Wuxian had succeeded, and in doing so, brought back Mo Xuanyu. He, however, had not returned.

Lan Wangji’s hands clenched into fists, his fingernails almost piercing his skin. That was when he turned, and he saw the face of his beloved husband once more. There was no sign of recognition on the man’s face, however, and his heart squeezed painfully. So... why was this person, who didn’t even know him, walking up to him?

“You know you’ve been staring at me this whole time, right?” He placed a hand on his hip and raised an eyebrow. “Do I know you or something?”

“No.” Lan Wangji didn’t know how he had managed to grit the word out through teeth clenched in pain. He thought he should at least explain himself for this man, however.

“I knew Wei Ying, while he was inhabiting your body.”

Mo Xuanyu blinked. “Are you Lan Wangji?”

He nodded. What else could he do? Noting this, the shorter male dug around in his pocket for something, and after much cursing and muttering, pulled out a packet.

“Here. He left this with me, I’m assuming. It was there when I woke up, and it had about a thousand names written all over the top of it,” he mumbled. “I’m guessing all of them belong to you?"

He nodded, once again. The packet was handed over to him, and after bowing to the man so achingly familiar and unknown, he returned to Cloud Recesses.

Mentally preparing himself to open it, he stared at the messy handwriting that belonged to that special man. _ Wei Ying, _ he wanted to cry. _ How could you leave me again? _ He opened the packet.

Inside, there was a bundle of drawings and clumsy yet elegant writing. They fell onto the floor all at once, and as he bent to pick them up, he noticed something. All of the things in the previous letter, all of the ones that had been told goodbye to, were there. There was an inked drawing of Jiang Cheng unleashing Zidian on whatever poor soul had insulted him. Another held a drawing of the lakes of Yunmeng Jiang, plentiful with lotus seed pods. There was a ripened moon, and clouds in the sky. He noticed one partially hidden underneath, which he picked up and studied carefully, was of him surrounded by his rabbits. He was smiling gently, and his eyes were relaxed and happy. There was a sketch of the “hidden” stash of Emperor’s Smile, and at the end... his golden eyes froze.

The second-to-last drawing was of the two of them. They sat together and seemed to be completely peaceful. He was playing his guqin, and Wei Ying was playing Chenqing. Underneath, the word “Wangxian” had been scrawled lovingly. He could hear the melody playing in his ears, and there had never been any other moment that had ever caused him as much pain as that one. He knew that his husband had put much care into the picture. He turned to the final paper.

His hand reached for it and froze when he realized what had been drawn. Every person that the two of them had ever cared about or loved was there. Wen Ning. Jiang Cheng. Lan Xichen. Nie Huaisang. A-Yuan. Lan Jingyi. Jin Ling. Jiang Yanli. Wen Qing. He had even squeezed Lan Qiren in there. And of course the two of them, right in the center. The two swirls of ink held each other as if they only had that one moment to be together. He supposed it wasn’t that far from the truth. Above the heads, there was a sentence.

_ Love brought us together, tore us apart, and tied our strings of fate together tightly. _

It was so like Wei Wuxian, yet it was unlike him as well. He had never really had a way with words, so he must have worked hard to choose something fitting for it all.

His heart warmed, and for a second, a fleeting moment, he felt Wei Ying’s arms around him as gentle yet unrestrained laughter filled the air. For that single moment, everything was perfect once again. For that one tiny blink of time, he had his love again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm crying again, how about you?


End file.
